Harmony, I love you
I'm not a blogger, but I love to follow the blogs of my family. On the other hand I am a Facebook addict. That being said, I'm gonna try to begin updating this blog on occasion.
I am married, turning 38 this November, and have two wonderful kids. Samuel turns 4 in January and Evelyn turns 2 in September. They are currently home schooled by their mother for pre-school level learning, and showing amazingly different learning styles. I know Harmony desires to be a stay home mom and continue their home school education, but final judgement is being held off until they are ready for kindergarten.
I have been married to Harmony Dawn (Walker) Malakowski since September 21, 1996, and these have been the happiest years of my life that I can remember. Many of my earliest memories all surround my father, Dean Paul Malakowski. He went to be with our Lord in December, 1982. I was 11 years old. My whole life he was sick, struggling with brain tumors. Multiple surgeries to remove them, repeated doses of chemo-therapy. I've had many people tell me stories of me at 3 and 4 years old sitting beside my father on the floor of a store or bank after he collapsed from a seizure just telling everyone he was going to be alright.
When I was 13 years old, my mother remarried. Terry Morton became my new dad and was any many ways the antithesis of my memories of my father. Many times we clashed, no less than three times I was homeless before graduating highschool.
I was 5 years old, attending Royal Rangers Wednesday night, and in the Straight Arrows class the first time I conciously remember giving my heart to the Lord. I also distinctly remember my teenage years in youth group and rededicating my life and being filled with the Spirit.
All my life I have been the tall, skinny, pencil necked geak. My conservative Christian family kept me from partaking in "normal" activities. No parties, no smoking, no alcohol, no modern dating. I was almost 6 months older than most of my classmates, and many things we learned in school simply clicked for me where other students struggled to understand. I grew up as the bad guy. Young, growing up in the 70's-80's when youth were very rebellious. White, in a country learning to celebrate being black and teach it's youth how evil and vile whites have been throughout history. Male, in a society that strongly supports the growing left wing woman's rights before all else attitudes. Christian, in a world that views us as judgemental hypocrites.
As a result I have had an unusual perspective on life. I never dated, no girl would ever really consider me worthy. This belief resulted in my breaking a girl's heart when I couldn't accept her open proclamation of love for me. I was always on the outside looking at what was going on around me. I watched the echo of kids throughout my public education dating, going steady, breaking up, and moving on to the next love and the growing disease of divorce, even within the church. I can't say I've never been on a "date", but I do not believe that dating is part of God's plan for our lives. The strongest, longest marriages have a few things in common.
Love, not the "in love" emotional infatuation. But the daily, knowing, I choose to love you. God called us to love our spouse even as Christ so loved the world. Jesus lived among us, and truly knew just how lovable, "let the little children come unto me and forbid them not", and just how contemptable we can be, "crucify him". Even so he chose to love us, he chose to die for us, and he chose to rise from the dead to save us. God has called us to love our spouse, when they are lovable, standing in a sexy piece of lingerie, holding your newborn child, or singing your praises. And to love our spouse when they are contemptable to us, the morning after a disagreement, the weeks following a major financial error, or just being lazy. God tells us to respect our spouse.
Respect, truly taking the time to recognize the wonderful, difficult things your spouse does in life. Doing things with, and for them, because they deserve your repectful time and attention, even if you are not interested in the topic or event.
Friendship, every marriage I have ever seen that people looked at as "the example of a perfect marriage", the people within have all said the same thing to me. "She is my best friend", "he is my best friend". A marriage that does not begin with friendship, build upon a foundation of friendship, is bound to face difficulties that will threaten to destroy if that deep friendship doesn't develop within the marriage.
But I digress, after graduating from highschool in 1990 at 7th in my class, I accepted a 3 year Army ROTC scholarship and began attending Portland State University to steady Electrical Engineering. It took me less than 3 years to go from straight A's to straight incompletes. I was always good at math, and top of my class. School counselors ignored me as having it all together, and my family simply new that my excellent math skills should make a degree in Electrical Engineering easy. WRONG. EE requires a very good grasp of Trigonometry. In my 5 years worth of math at high school, I never learned trig. And by the time I figured out how desperately I needed it I was in way to deep to stop and learn it.
I met Harmony through a mutual friend at church, she would occasionally visit at youth group. After attending as a youth myself, I stayed with them as a volunteer. Harmony and I became good friends. Her and Sarah stopped by my apartment one night and asked me to escort them on an all night trip to the beach. They desired to stay up and build a fire. I agreed. Harmony enjoys the same movies and me and when Star Gate came out I asked her to go to the theater with me. She agreed. When Harmony's date to the prom couldn't go, Sarah, the mutual friend, asked me to ask Harmony. I did, she accepted. Their was definately some early sparks, hints of things that may be. Because I never learned "how to treat a woman", how to wine and dine, combined with my own personal low self esteem "why would someone as beautiful as Harmony be interested in me?" I think I disappointed her when I failed to "get the hint" and give her a kiss on some of these times.
I knew she was going away to college, to Oregon State University, on a full ride scholarship. I didn't know that she never went because of housing expenses. My family has a falling out with our church pastor and moved to a new church. One Sunday, standing on stage in choir, I looked down and sitting beside Sarah, there was Harmony. Oh, my heart did a back flip. She joined the church, and the choir. We often stopped with friends at the local Taco Bell. I struggled with a desire to share my feelings, and my belief in a guaranteed rejection. Harmony was the braver one. One Wednesday night, after another Taco Bell grouping, she hands me a letter, instructs me to wait until I get home to open it, and jumps in Sarah's car to drive away. I still have the letter. She said everything I wanted to say. Sunday I gave here a card and a letter, and we talked.
Shortly after that I was invited over for dinner. I got to meet Mary, Melody, and Grant. As time went on I was invited back night after night. Soon it became expected. As I remember it, every single night after that I came over for dinner. It went from "let's wait for Dwayne to get here" to "Dwayne, would you cook the nachos tonight?". One Sunday we went to the mall to walk and talk. One thing about Washington Square, it has a lot of jewelry stores. We visited one and looked around, comparing likes. We visited another and discussed what wedding rings we both would like if we would get married. We visited another and picked, ordered, and paid for our wedding rings. At this point we had never had a talk where we openly agreed to get married, it was just the right thing to do. Time to remind you of my belief that friendship is pillar of marriage. Our friendship grew in conjuction with our blooming romance.
Today, I am looking at 13 years of marriage in a few months. Life has been difficult at times, but making the marriage last has been effortless. All I have to do is look at Harmony and tell myself "I love her" and no matter how I am feeling, it is true, fresh and new, each and every time. It sounds callous to say that my love is a love of choice. It sounds heartless to say that I choose, daily, to love my wife. But you must understand that my love for my wife is not reliant on my emotional state. It is true that those you love you most, often you hate the most. But no matter how angry I get, I love Harmony. That will not change no matter that life throws my way.
I love Harmony. PERIOD. Not exclamation point, not comma, not question mark, period. A simple statement of fact that will not ever change.
I am married, turning 38 this November, and have two wonderful kids. Samuel turns 4 in January and Evelyn turns 2 in September. They are currently home schooled by their mother for pre-school level learning, and showing amazingly different learning styles. I know Harmony desires to be a stay home mom and continue their home school education, but final judgement is being held off until they are ready for kindergarten.
I have been married to Harmony Dawn (Walker) Malakowski since September 21, 1996, and these have been the happiest years of my life that I can remember. Many of my earliest memories all surround my father, Dean Paul Malakowski. He went to be with our Lord in December, 1982. I was 11 years old. My whole life he was sick, struggling with brain tumors. Multiple surgeries to remove them, repeated doses of chemo-therapy. I've had many people tell me stories of me at 3 and 4 years old sitting beside my father on the floor of a store or bank after he collapsed from a seizure just telling everyone he was going to be alright.
When I was 13 years old, my mother remarried. Terry Morton became my new dad and was any many ways the antithesis of my memories of my father. Many times we clashed, no less than three times I was homeless before graduating highschool.
I was 5 years old, attending Royal Rangers Wednesday night, and in the Straight Arrows class the first time I conciously remember giving my heart to the Lord. I also distinctly remember my teenage years in youth group and rededicating my life and being filled with the Spirit.
All my life I have been the tall, skinny, pencil necked geak. My conservative Christian family kept me from partaking in "normal" activities. No parties, no smoking, no alcohol, no modern dating. I was almost 6 months older than most of my classmates, and many things we learned in school simply clicked for me where other students struggled to understand. I grew up as the bad guy. Young, growing up in the 70's-80's when youth were very rebellious. White, in a country learning to celebrate being black and teach it's youth how evil and vile whites have been throughout history. Male, in a society that strongly supports the growing left wing woman's rights before all else attitudes. Christian, in a world that views us as judgemental hypocrites.
As a result I have had an unusual perspective on life. I never dated, no girl would ever really consider me worthy. This belief resulted in my breaking a girl's heart when I couldn't accept her open proclamation of love for me. I was always on the outside looking at what was going on around me. I watched the echo of kids throughout my public education dating, going steady, breaking up, and moving on to the next love and the growing disease of divorce, even within the church. I can't say I've never been on a "date", but I do not believe that dating is part of God's plan for our lives. The strongest, longest marriages have a few things in common.
Love, not the "in love" emotional infatuation. But the daily, knowing, I choose to love you. God called us to love our spouse even as Christ so loved the world. Jesus lived among us, and truly knew just how lovable, "let the little children come unto me and forbid them not", and just how contemptable we can be, "crucify him". Even so he chose to love us, he chose to die for us, and he chose to rise from the dead to save us. God has called us to love our spouse, when they are lovable, standing in a sexy piece of lingerie, holding your newborn child, or singing your praises. And to love our spouse when they are contemptable to us, the morning after a disagreement, the weeks following a major financial error, or just being lazy. God tells us to respect our spouse.
Respect, truly taking the time to recognize the wonderful, difficult things your spouse does in life. Doing things with, and for them, because they deserve your repectful time and attention, even if you are not interested in the topic or event.
Friendship, every marriage I have ever seen that people looked at as "the example of a perfect marriage", the people within have all said the same thing to me. "She is my best friend", "he is my best friend". A marriage that does not begin with friendship, build upon a foundation of friendship, is bound to face difficulties that will threaten to destroy if that deep friendship doesn't develop within the marriage.
But I digress, after graduating from highschool in 1990 at 7th in my class, I accepted a 3 year Army ROTC scholarship and began attending Portland State University to steady Electrical Engineering. It took me less than 3 years to go from straight A's to straight incompletes. I was always good at math, and top of my class. School counselors ignored me as having it all together, and my family simply new that my excellent math skills should make a degree in Electrical Engineering easy. WRONG. EE requires a very good grasp of Trigonometry. In my 5 years worth of math at high school, I never learned trig. And by the time I figured out how desperately I needed it I was in way to deep to stop and learn it.
I met Harmony through a mutual friend at church, she would occasionally visit at youth group. After attending as a youth myself, I stayed with them as a volunteer. Harmony and I became good friends. Her and Sarah stopped by my apartment one night and asked me to escort them on an all night trip to the beach. They desired to stay up and build a fire. I agreed. Harmony enjoys the same movies and me and when Star Gate came out I asked her to go to the theater with me. She agreed. When Harmony's date to the prom couldn't go, Sarah, the mutual friend, asked me to ask Harmony. I did, she accepted. Their was definately some early sparks, hints of things that may be. Because I never learned "how to treat a woman", how to wine and dine, combined with my own personal low self esteem "why would someone as beautiful as Harmony be interested in me?" I think I disappointed her when I failed to "get the hint" and give her a kiss on some of these times.
I knew she was going away to college, to Oregon State University, on a full ride scholarship. I didn't know that she never went because of housing expenses. My family has a falling out with our church pastor and moved to a new church. One Sunday, standing on stage in choir, I looked down and sitting beside Sarah, there was Harmony. Oh, my heart did a back flip. She joined the church, and the choir. We often stopped with friends at the local Taco Bell. I struggled with a desire to share my feelings, and my belief in a guaranteed rejection. Harmony was the braver one. One Wednesday night, after another Taco Bell grouping, she hands me a letter, instructs me to wait until I get home to open it, and jumps in Sarah's car to drive away. I still have the letter. She said everything I wanted to say. Sunday I gave here a card and a letter, and we talked.
Shortly after that I was invited over for dinner. I got to meet Mary, Melody, and Grant. As time went on I was invited back night after night. Soon it became expected. As I remember it, every single night after that I came over for dinner. It went from "let's wait for Dwayne to get here" to "Dwayne, would you cook the nachos tonight?". One Sunday we went to the mall to walk and talk. One thing about Washington Square, it has a lot of jewelry stores. We visited one and looked around, comparing likes. We visited another and discussed what wedding rings we both would like if we would get married. We visited another and picked, ordered, and paid for our wedding rings. At this point we had never had a talk where we openly agreed to get married, it was just the right thing to do. Time to remind you of my belief that friendship is pillar of marriage. Our friendship grew in conjuction with our blooming romance.
Today, I am looking at 13 years of marriage in a few months. Life has been difficult at times, but making the marriage last has been effortless. All I have to do is look at Harmony and tell myself "I love her" and no matter how I am feeling, it is true, fresh and new, each and every time. It sounds callous to say that my love is a love of choice. It sounds heartless to say that I choose, daily, to love my wife. But you must understand that my love for my wife is not reliant on my emotional state. It is true that those you love you most, often you hate the most. But no matter how angry I get, I love Harmony. That will not change no matter that life throws my way.
I love Harmony. PERIOD. Not exclamation point, not comma, not question mark, period. A simple statement of fact that will not ever change.
Oh. Wow! Dwayne, you should blog regularly. You almost had me crying! It brought back so many memories of those days. Of course, I only remember Harmony's side of it for the most part. Hearing your side was heartwarming AND so very true!
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